If you’re a shy man, get over it. Your wedding tackle is going to be passed around like a $1 bill. I think every visit (except for my CAT scan and pre-surgery physical involves being handled).

My first visit was with Dr Ray. After flopping my boys around for a few seconds he said something wasn’t right. He shined a light through both Lefty and Righty. The light’s purpose was to figure out if I had a cyst. In theory light would pass through a cyst. That was a no go so his office made an appointment for me to have an ultrasound at the hospital.

The ultrasound was a little weird. I had a very young and very pretty technician that did the test. She used a warm lube and the wand she used vibrated slightly. I was doing prime numbers in my head to keep my mind off of what was going on. The situation could have been very embarrassing. Once the ultrasound was on a Wednesday. The results were sent to my urologist and they set me up with an appointment on Thursday.

The urologist visit was short and sweet. Dr Devine had already reviewed the ultrasound and was just confirming. He handled my junk and said Lefty had to go. He went over some reproduction issues and solutions but it didn’t take long. I was thankful for how down to business he was. He was in and out within 10 minutes and I had no questions when he left. They set me up with Surgery on Monday and a pre-surgery physical on Friday.

I had blood drawn at a lab right after the urologist. What can say? A blood draw is the same for everything. In, stick, draw, out.

At the pre-surgery physical I DIDN’T have Lefty touched but I accidentally mooned Dr Ray’s assistant. She took it in stride. It was a standard physical with only one twist, an EKG. The EKG was nothing except for removing the glued on sensors. My hairy chest protested.

Here’s where I had the surgery. I’m giving it it’s own section called “The Surgery” and am now skipping ahead to my post surgery appointments.

My first appointment after the surgery was to have a CAT scan. The first thing I realized was that appointments now take longer to get into. When they think they have the cancer out of you everything slows down. What I’m saying is I had a long wait for the CAT scan. They fed me some nasty vanilla crap 1 hour and 1/2 hour before the scan. In the future I’ll be able to pick this stuff up prior to the appointment. That should help speed up the process. Again I had a vein tapped for an IV. When they gave me the chemicals it was just like taking a shot of tequila without the taste. It was given via IV but it burned from my throat down to my groin. They moved me in and out of the scanner (which looked like a big white donut with spinning parts inside). The actual scan was very fast but because of the medicine it was my most unpleasant (with the exception of the surgery itself). It was also my first trip outside of the house when I was feeling everything. The ride was miserable.